Nothing reads better than a tightly-constructed, concise story. Words should flow to create smooth sentences which the eyes can glide over with ease.
Even a good sentence can have too many words thrown in that don’t need to be there. These may cause the reader to stumble, slow down their pace, throw off that fine balance of reading one line to the next as naturally as possible.
(In the two paragraphs above I’ve already removed six or seven words that didn’t need to be there).
Extra words are like stepping stones to help you get through your story without sinking into a pit of creative despair. A first draft doesn’t need to be a tightly-wrapped package. It just needs to morph the story in your head into a cohesive form.
Your second draft is where you’ll hack it to pieces and put it back together just like new.
Take the paragraph below for example:
Some things are committed to history, others are forgotten. Of things those before us knew, only a shade has been preserved through history. Within that small sliver of warped remembrance exist only shards of truth. The harshness of the world reflects on itself; decay matches ugliness. All that crumbles only falls when that which created it declines.
It’s not badly written and there aren’t any glaring errors. But I’ll put the extra words in bold below, then paste the paragraph again with them removed. You’ll see how the sentences flow differently and how they retain their meaning even with the words removed.
Some things are committed to history, others are forgotten. Of things those before us knew, only a shade has been preserved through history. Within that small sliver of warped remembrance exist only shards of truth. The harshness of the world reflects on itself; decay matches ugliness. All that crumbles only falls when that which created it declines.
Some things are committed to history, others forgotten. Of things those before us knew, only a shade has been preserved. Within that sliver of warped remembrance exist only shards of truth. The harshness of the world reflects itself; decay matches ugliness. All that crumbles only falls when that which created it declines.
I’ve taken out the extra instance of ‘are’ in the first sentence. I’ve omitted ‘through history’ since the story itself already implies that idea and it doesn’t need to be specified, as well as to avoid using the word twice. I’ve omitted ‘small’ since ‘sliver’ already implies the image of size. And ‘on’ just didn’t need to be there.
A great way to find extra words is to read your work aloud to yourself and see where you stumble, or where a word catches your attention. If the sentence still conveys the intended idea, description, or feeling without the word, it probably doesn’t need to be there.
This doesn’t necessarily mean taking out every single word you can. Sometimes that extra word, even if not needed, helps reinforce the sentence.
In this sentence: (All that crumbles only falls when that which created it declines.) I didn’t take out ‘only’ even though the sentence still makes sense without it. My intention was to emphasize that the landscape I’m describing looks the way it does directly due to the collapse of civilization. If ‘only’ is omitted, the meaning of the sentence changes slightly, saying that any landscape that can fall apart, will fall apart regardless of the state of civilization.
Either way you look at it, there are extra words everywhere, even in this article about them. Some should stay, some should go.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little writing tip. (Little is definitely an extra word that can go; so is ‘definitely’.) Make sure to follow the blog for future writing advice!
Thanks for reading!
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If you have a chance, check out my debut novella, Zero Perspective.
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Lost in the depths of space and time, swallowed by something unknown to humanity, a derelict ship is adrift in an alternate reality.
John and his crew board the vessel, the Esometa, on a rescue mission. The ship’s been lost for two weeks with no explanation. When they discover its occupants dead and decaying, a mind-bending journey begins.
The Esometa takes them down a path filled with horrid creatures and bizarre events from which there may be no return…
Lee Forman is a writer and editor from the Hudson Valley, NY. His fascination with the macabre began in childhood, watching old movies and reading everything he could get his hands on. He’s a third-generation horror fanatic, starting with his grandfather who was a fan of the classic Hollywood Monsters. His work has been published in numerous magazines, anthologies, websites, and podcasts. He’s an editor for Sirens Call Publications and writes, edits, and is an administrator for the horror fiction website PenoftheDamned.com. He’s also a regular contributor of non-fiction articles for Living Paranormal Magazine. Check out his debut novella, Zero Perspective on Amazon! When he’s not crafting horrifying creatures and tales of terror, he spends his time playing guitar and writing music. For more information and a list of publications go to www.leeformanauthor.com
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